life

it has been very tough for me. i have to admit i am not a very sensitive person. Now that i have landed myself in this kind of situation, i dun foresee how i can carry on my life or even pass every single day without having to worry about my own safety. i just want to live a normal life, better still hide in a corner and do my work without having to interact with others. are they genuinely nice? are they pretending? are they gossiping or complaining me as a newbie who knows nothing and gets into their way? i dunno... sometimes i wonder if i would get to hear their true feelings like in dramas where people would accidentally overheard other people saying bad things about themselves especially in toilets. nah, of cuz that did not happen to me. these people are probably too clever to do this kind of stupid actions. am i thinking too much? i am not very happy. in fact,this is making me feeling very terrible everyday. i drag myself to wake up every morning. if not for the pressing issues i have right now, i would not force me, myself and i to carry on doing this. i am feeling slightly depressed initially. now i think i am getting more and more depressed to the extent i started to think of the simplest solution. it's quicksand. it's dragging my limbs and i have no wish to struggle. times like this, i start to hate the world. start to hate every single thing about life. like a rebellious teenager. nothing, not even my favourite songs are going to make me feel better. listening to chihiro onitsuka's songs make me feel worse cuz i can feel the helplessness in the depressing songs. i am worried. i think one day i will be swallowed by my own worries. is it the end of the world when people are swallowed by their own worries? i guess no one can really understand what i am saying.